The book is based on the principle of the Karpman Drama Triangle which presents us with three positions; Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.
The 'victim' position, often called "poor me" is where your child feels powerless, helpless, useless and unable to do what they want perhaps because they don't feel able, are not allowed to or physically can't.
The person or situation they hold responsible for this powerlessness is termed the 'persecutor'. It can be you of course! It could be a teacher, the school, a diagnosis, another child in the playground, a sibling, even Boris Johnson or Covid!
The person or the behaviour they choose for comfort is the 'rescuer' and that will often be a parent as we mums want to help your kids, don't we? Behaviours can be OCD, self-harming, eating issues, toilet issues, addictive behaviours etc.
You can read a lot more about the Drama Triangle in the book and I recorded a video about it here.
The problem with the triangle is that we simply move around it as I explain in the book and the video. Crucially we don't actually escape. It's through exiting the triangle that children feel empowered. They can take responsibility for solving their own problem rather than have us fix it for them. Of course much will depend on the age of your child but even a small child can be taught how to get dressed themselves and clear away whatever they've been playing with. This is very much the Montessori way. I ran a Montessori school in my home when my first three children were pre-school age (the fourth was something of a surprise some eight years later and continues to surprise us!) My book gives you lots of fascinating (well I would say that wouldn't I?) information about parenting and communicating effectively with children and teens and the second half takes you through specific issues.
Amazon Review
"Reading Empower Your Kids by Judy Bartkowiak is like having someone take you by the hand and guide you gently through parenting. Her book sets out to teach you how to coach your children through anxiety, sleep issues, relationships and friendships, and low self-esteem – while also learning about yourself and your reactions and emotions along the way.
Judy’s clear and friendly and open language helps guide you through established neuro linguistic programming (NLP) and emotional freedom tapping (EFT) techniques, clearly explaining the science behind these terms in an accessible manner.
That the book is divided into two parts - the first exploring NLP and EFT and the second offering practical advice on supporting your child through a range of emotions they might encounter - means that you can access the information you need with ease.
There are sections on anger, coping with change and self-esteem felt especially helpful for us, a family with one tween and another approaching the teenage years.
Judy's book is a wonderful guide to the benefits of NLP and EFT techniques and how they can help you, your child and your family navigate the complexities of growing up in today's world."
And another
"This is the author's third book I've been reading. Her writing style is wonderful - super clear with lots of practical examples. This book truly resembles her other book 'Understanding children' and mentions the exact same techniques more or less, yet this book is also divided by topics (sleep problems, self esteem etc.) and has some more comments on each problem . Also, despite the great content in the book it's very repetitive. Some might like the fact that she shows how to use EFT for each problem, but to me that didn't feel necessary. Al in all, the book has really wonderful exercises and techinques that parents (and not just coaches and therapists) can use. Also, she really breaks down every techinque into small manageable steps and really gives you a thorough understanding of her way of work."