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5 top tips for setting compelling and achievable New Year's Resolutions

Updated: Jan 30, 2022

I am a Family Coach, helping children and teens and their parents to communicate, understand each other and thrive in today’s challenging times through 1:1 coaching, workshops and courses, meet-ups, books and family sessions.

I have four children, now happily pursuing their own dreams without my help which means I now focus on my coaching practice, training others who like me, want to work with children, teens and families and developing my own skill-set to better serve clients with physical conditions as well as emotional issues. Although they are of course connected.

So I am a trainer of #nlp #eft #reiki , coach and author. I keep myself sane through physical exercise; tennis, yoga, cycling and swimming.

My resolutions for this year were created following a session last night led by Matt and Parul from The London Writers Salon with whom I wrote my last two books which are updates from my first one, shown below, Be a happier parent with NLP - which let’s face it, we all want, don’t we?

I was asked to talk on Marlow FM about how to set effective New Year's Resolutions, so I used the steps outlined by LWS to create mine. You can listen live or on the 'Listen Again' button. I thought I'd share with you, my own resolutions and suggest how you can approach setting your own in the same sort of way.

Before deciding what I want for 2022 , I need to look back to this year as next year isn’t a blank sheet of paper, is it?

Tip 1. What were the positives from this year – for me these would be

- Teens in particular have been struggling through these times and I really enjoyed helping them find and be their best self, confident and strong, resilient and purposeful. They really embraced some of the more woo woo work I do with essential oils and crystals, reiki and kinesiology. These non-talking therapies worked particularly well with teens experiencing eating issues, teens struggling with relationship break ups, anxiety about family members, low self-esteem and stress at school. Most times, when they come to me, they have had enough talking and want to manage the feelings rather than the thoughts.

- I loved the enthusiasm of my students learning to help children and teens in their community and all of them are already building successful practices and sharing their work. I love the way students come with different focus - school, grief counselling, yoga, parenting, scouts to name just a few - all with the intention to make a difference.

- I have loved the family sessions which leaves families laughing and learning at the same time as they find out more about each other and gain a better understanding of how each family member processes their world and how to connect with them in a kinder and more understanding way.

- Being outside in nature through my sport has been so enjoyable with lots of chat and laughter. I love to move (I’m very fidgety!) and the combination of chatting and exercise really ticks my boxes!

What were your positives? What are you proud of? What ticked your boxes?

If you’re not sure, have a flick through your photos or your diary/calendar or anything that will remind you of what you enjoyed in 2021. I know it was a difficult year in so many ways, but when we focus instead on what went well, we know what we want more of for 2022.

Tip 2. What were the negatives – things I’m not proud of

- I still struggle with low self-esteem myself on a personal level rather than professionally, feeling I’m not good enough

- Too much time on social media – again thinking I’m not posting enough, not writing as well as other

- Not finishing the updates I’d agreed with my publisher for the Engaging NLP workbooks for children, tweens and teens

When you think of things that didn’t go so well, remember that you need to focus only on those things that you could have controlled. Missing out on a holiday or seeing friends and relatives was completely out of your control as was the pandemic. Focus just on the things you could do something about even if they were affected by things out of your control, how you react to these situations, IS in your control. Control your controllables!

Tip 3. What would I like to forgive myself for so I can move on in a more positive frame

- “I’m not good enough”

o Imagine writing this on a piece of paper and then burning it in the fire

o Or write it on a stone and throw it in the river

o Forgive myself for these unhelpful beliefs and remind myself that it’s OK to be perfectly imperfect

You may have your own ways of forgiving yourself but I love this Meditation Ho'Opono Pono - the Hawaiian Prayer of Forgiveness.

Tip 4. What would I like more of in 2022 that will make me happy?

- More teen clients, family sessions and training students to work with children, teens and families

- More workshops and couple sessions with parents to empower them to help their kids

- Limit time on Social Media - that will give me more writing time to complete those updates

- More walking, swimming and cycling (I already play enough tennis)

Tip 5. Actions – apply SMART goals – specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, timed

- Keep a daily gratitude diary (I let that lapse this year) to remind myself that I am good enough

- I’m thinking of creating cheaper, shorter workshop- based courses for parents and couples sessions for parents

- May target local schools counselling service to let them know that I work with teens

- Keep a bike down at mums so I can cycle along by the sea and up to the dyke

- Schedule one ride a week with my off-road cycling group

- Swim once a week

- Walk the dog twice a day

So to recap, my top tips are

1. Reflect on what made you happy this year and do more of it next year

2. Reflect on what you are not happy about, what didn’t go well

3. Forgive yourself and create an affirmation, maybe put it on your wall or on your phone to remind yourself just how flippin’ awesome you are

4. List those things you want to do more of and check that they are:

a. Listed as ‘toward’ goals – what you do want not what you don’t want e.g. “I want to feel calm” rather than “I want to stop being so anxious”

b. Within your control e.g. I may say I will schedule a cycle ride once a week but if it rains the whole week then I can’t – although I could schedule it even if we have to cancel due to rain!

c. What you really want and not what you think you ‘should’ want.

i. A good way to do this is to use what we call eye accessing cues. Look up to your right (left if you’re left handed) and imagine what this goal will look like when you’ve achieved it. Look across at ear level to your right and imagine what you will hear when you have achieved it. Look down to your right and imagine how you will feel when you’ve achieved it. If you can’t imagine anything then this goal may need a bit more work.

5. Now apply actions that are SMART and calendar them.

If you would like some help in crafting compelling resolutions then get in touch as I offer a FREE 30 minute session.


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