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The difference between intention and impact

As I was adding the Engaging NLP Workbooks individually, I checked Amazon to see if I could add in some nice reviews to tempt you lovely people to buy a copy and I was so surprised to find that there were so I thought I'd share them here and also talk a bit about juggling work and children as it's something I have many years experience of!


I was on a call with an Australian client on Wednesday and we were talking about the difference between intention and impact. She and her two girls aged 5 and 6yrs had just returned from the school run, a one hour journey for them and she'd put on the sprinkler for them to cool off. They said "come on mummy you come and play too!" but she had a meeting later that evening and needed to prepare so she said "No I must do this".


I asked her for her intention and she said that she wanted to show them that we have responsibilities, things we must do. I asked her what she thought the impact was for her kids.She said "Mum never has time".


This made her feel sad and it led to a discussion about her emphasis on 'doing' rather than 'being' and she admitted that although she'd loved playing as a child, imaginative games with her brother, as a parent she had been more focused on work. She wants her girls to have a good role model of responsibility and a good work ethic.


The words 'must', 'should', 'have to', 'ought to' and so on are what we call the Modal Operator of Necessity in NLP and they limit us. They trap us in that place of feeling we 'have' to do something. Our intention may be and generally is, a positive one. However, when we use this MON we cut off any flexibility to give ourselves some 'wiggle room'. Instead I suggested she reframe her MON into "I could do it later'.



When I work with mums (and dads) to help them with their family life, each session will be very much led by what they have been experiencing and I help them using NLP and EFT.


I remember well when mine were children feeling so torn and upset by the choices I had to make and fearing that they would be damaged by my working rather than spending lots of time with them. It was probably hard for them too that at that time I was working in children's market research and spending time with other people's children, watching them playing with the toys I was researching or watching children's TV shows with them. My own mother didn't play with us as far as I remember, we were mostly outside in the garden playing games together my brother and I but those were different times with none of the tech we have today.


I have written two Engaging NLP Workbooks for the working side of parents, especially mums as I feel it's more of an emotional juggling act. In fact, I remember being in a client meeting once when I was breast feeding my third child. The clients (all men) had no idea I even had children (it was a DIY client on that occasion) and my boobs started leaking as it was such a hot day. I put my jacket on to hide it and they commented on how I could be cold. I was mortified at both the attention and the situation and couldn't get out fast enough!



Neuro Linguistic Programming has long been a popular management training tool used in companies all over the world for...

  • Sales

  • Managing People

  • Motivation

  • Leadership

  • Managing Change

  • Goal Setting

NLP for Work gives you access to the latest NLP tools and techniques to help you..

  1. Feel confident in the workplace

  2. Access your core skills

  3. Drive your career forward

  4. Learn new skills

  5. Communicate effectively

  6. Give impressive presentations

  7. Write clearly and concisely

  8. Manage reviews and feedback

  9. Networkwith excellence

  10. Get a win-win in negotiations

Judy Bartkowiak has combined working in a wide variety of jobs with bringing up four children and believes that the most important attributes mums need are:

  • Self belief

  • Outcome thinking

  • Flexibility

  • The ability to prioritise

These skills are covered in this book along with plenty of different ideas of paid work that you can combine with having a familu and having the time to enjoy them. Amazon Reviews: "I have been back in part time work for 4 years since my twins were born. My approach and perspective has had to be entirely different and much more flexible than before kids. Now my kids have started at school I am more focussed on my career.Judy's book is an extremely logical, practical approach to work - it really makes you think about what your personality type is (visual, auditory, kinaesthetic) and what your skills really are NOW (not always what they used to be), how they can be adapted, what types of roles may suit you, how to manage and approach people who have different ways they think, how to improve time management - with simple, yet thought provoking practical excercises to help you come up with the answers.I would recommend this to anyone either returning to work, or needing to refresh their approach to work." "I can completely relate to the issues Judy covers in the book. Had my first baby this year and going back to work was challenging. What I really like about Judy's book is that it is very simple and easy to apply. Too many books are so heavy and complex that its easy to give up on the exercises but this is very accessible." "If you are a mom looking to go back to work after the birth of a baby or after raising your kids, I would highly recommend this book. It is full of helpful information to help you rethink the way that you are considering working, as well as helping you with practical skills that you will need, including juggling your life, interviewing, and more. I found that it was an excellent book about communicating as well, including communicating with your children, your spouse, and your friends. It reminds us that doing what we have always done will just give us what we have always had, which is important to really internalize. I think that this book is excellent for any age of mom who is looking to return to the work force either full or part time to allow her to really reconsider the way that she is going about the process and maybe even the job that she is considering. Easy to read and light read, but full of practical and deep information." I offer a number of services that may be of interest to mums who work, are going back to work or are on maternity leave.


  • Self-esteem programme to build self esteem in the workplace (and outside it!) and for going back to work, starting a new business, going freelance/self-employed

  • Workshops in the workplace for wellness - variety of topics

  • Coaching in the workplace to help employees with overcoming whatever they are struggling with


I also offer a free 30 minute session if you'd just like to have a chat about your own situation and maybe I can help.





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