I regulalry work with mums whose child struggles to go to school, especially on a monday morning. Some haven't attended school in months before contacting me. I'm happy to say that I've managed to successfully help these children very swiftly. The key is working with mum rather than the child.
Why?
Because you are energetically connected to your child. For example, do you ever experience any of these?
You know it will be difficult to get your child into school today because
2) You managed to get them in the car but as you near the school gates, you can sense they are struggling. Maybe there are tears, maybe they beg to go back home, say they can't go in? You need to get somewhere, to work or you have plans that you can't change and you wonder what on earth to do.
They know they should go into school and can sense your panic and your own anxiety. This makes them feel even worse, they don't want to inconvenience you or annoy you but the added pressure of your feelings can just tip them into overhwhelm .
3) It's bedtime and they are tearful about going into school the next day, you reassure them that there's nothing to worry about and that all will be well but you suspect that they won't sleep and it will be difficult to wake them in the morning and you might have to change your plans.
Rather than list other things than can happen, why don't you write your own experiences in the space below?
Have a think about how your own thoughts and feelings may be influencing your child's behaviour and the outcome of the situation. This is because we are energetically connected to our child. This will also be true for when you're leaving the house to go out and your child doesn't want you to go. We feel terrible, don't we? We feel guilty and feel we are making them sad and anxious. So we may bribe them with treats, promises and even find ourselves trying to sneak out. What I'm trying to say is that when I have clients with children who struggle with being apart from you or going into school, can be most effectively empowered by getting you to step out of 'rescuer' role.
Your child is in the 'victim' or 'poor me' position, feeling helpless and powerless. 'No-one understands how hard it is to go into school, get up, go to sleep, say 'goodbye to mummy' and so on.
You are in the 'rescuer' role, desperate to resolve this, offering lots of possible solutions.
The persecutor position might be 'school' or 'my anxiety' 'my ADHD/Autism' whatever your child is blaming for how they feel and of course it might be you!
Then things may change as one of you moves into persecutor as patience gives out or anxiety turns into anger.
So let's start with Tip 1
Instead I'd like to suggest that you use EFT to tap on your own feelings to reduce the 'emotional charge' so that instead of communicating your own feelings, you're simply asking them to get up or get dressed without all the feelings you're bringing to the exchange.
Here's a video to show you how.
Tip 2
Instead of telling your child 'not to worry' tell them something that will help them feel strong, brave, confident. You can find out what words to use by asking them how they'd like to feel. Use those words.
The way you say it is important. use a lower, slower, hypnotic tone and this will work particularly well if you're stroking their hair, their arm, a shoulder or of course brushing their hair.
Tip 3
I find using the Doterra Essential Oils very helpful to support children and teens. Balance Oil massaged into the soles of their feet before going into bed, helps to balance their Root Chakra which is the energy centre that helps us feel safe when balanced, but unsafe when it's out of balance. You can repeat this again in the morning before school. I know they find this very reassuring and the masaaging itself can be comforting. Get in touch if you'd like me to send you a free sample mini bottle.
As you massage in the oil, use an affirmation because again the hypnotic nature of massaging will help. Ask them "how would you like to feel about going into school?' then turn these into affirmations by saying the words in the present tense as a positive statement. Here's an example.
Child "I don't want to feel anxious"
You "What do you want to feel instead of anxious?"
Child "I want to feel confident" (use their word of course because the opposite of anxious will be different for each child and even change by the day or week)
You as you massage in the oil "I am confident"
Maybe extent it a bit.
You "What does confident look like?"
Child "I would go into school looking like I have friends."
You as you massage in the oil "I know I have friends."
You "What does confident sound like?"
Child "Someone calling my name, they want me to play with them"
You massaging the oil "Someone wants to play with me."
You "What will you feel when you are confident"
Child "That they like me"
You massaging in oil "I know they like me."
Tip 4
When you have a child or teen who struggles to go into school it is easy to find yourself worrying during the day. What is happening? Are they upset? Are they crying?" Is someone being mean to them?
We jump when our phone pings. Is it the school? Will I have to go and pick them up?
Maybe your child messages you to come and get them?
You can't really concentrate because your mind is elsewhere.
Now this may be hard to believe but what you are doing is sending these worries to your child through the magic of your connection. These worries will also show on your face when they see you after school and they will know that you have been worried and as you are their main carer and influencer, this will confirm that there is reason to worry.
Instead try tapping on your worries whilst holding a picture of them in your mind as you as I showed you in the video earlier.
Here are the tapping points.
As you tap on each one, say your worry and make sure you breathe (this helps the energy flow through the meridians to clear the blocks to being 'in flow', for example.
"I'm worried" (top of head)
"I know you're anxious about the test/your maths lesson/your friend etc" (eyebrow point)
"All these feelings "(side of the eye)
"These worries" (under the eye)
"I am worried she/he/they will be mean to you (under the nose)
"What if they pick on you today?" (under the mouth)
"All this anxiety" (collarbone point)
"All these feelings" (under arm - on bra line)
Let me know if you'd like me to go through this with you. I offer a free 30 minutes session.
Tip 5
Who doesn't like a Vision Board?!
Who doesn't want to draw or paint themselves as a superhero?!
a) Vision Board
Ask them to use print off pictures and photos that make them feel how they want to feel about going to school and stick them onto a large piece of card and put it up in their room.
b) Super Hero
Suggest they draw or paint themselves as a super hero
Then ask them to write down beside their picture all their super powers
And help them figure out how these super powers could help them with going into school.
Check out my books and free resources which will give you more ideas.