Another example of this is from a footballer I worked with recently , a really eager 9 yr old. In fact he was so eager that from the moment he knew who his team was playing against that weekend , he would worry about whether he'd play well, worried about whether he'd score and the most worrying of all was the penalties. He explained that he would stand there with his foot at the ball and say to himself 'I must not kick the ball with the wrong part of the foot'. Now why on earth complicate matters? How about saying 'I must kick the ball with my laces'?
It's not just children who do this. I had a very tired mum book an appointment because she couldn't stop her daughter from disturbing her at night. She said " every night I say to her ' Do NOT come into our room tonight'." "Does it work?" I asked her. "No" she said. "Every night she comes in and I'm just so tired. Then I'm shouty at her the next day." Well, I explained, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. So the answer is to do something different. So I asked her "what DO you want?" "I don't want her to come into my room." she repeated (a bit annoyed!) And this is the thing, we can get into a pattern of focusing on what we don't want. Eventually she said "I want her to stay in her own room." Believe it or not, she had never actually told her daughter this! The next day I received an email from a very grateful client!
If you have any questions about this, please get in touch.